I met Him. #6

12.45-2.55 :)

Basically, I met him again at the library, on level 5. He was supposed to be studying for his physics exam at 5 today, but I'm pretty sure I distracted him. >.<

There wasn't enough room where he was sitting, so I just told him I'll sit 'over there', and he ended up following me, so we sat together. There was this couple a few metres in front of us, and I watched them every once in a while, they were heaps cute!

Anyways, we ended up just doing nothing! Well, more like I kept telling him to study, then distract him, then tell him to study again, etc. etc. I went to search for my own work, so I left him there to 'try to try to try' to study, which was a little success, which was good. Afterwards I gave him some more of my music, and the Jazz Jackrabbit game I love playing.

Oh yeah, first off I showed him the test strips/proof sheets of the photos I took of him yesterday. <3

Well afterwards we basically just talked and had a good time. I was basically  just a few centimetres away from him the entire time. Amazing. It was honestly just like we were back in primary school, year 6. The nudging, the leaning over, the over-reacting, the sarcasm. Everything. It was so good. I honestly wanted to lean on him, but that would just be weeeeeeird. So I didn't.

- Daniel Chantiri Churches :)

I met Him. #5

You don't know what methodical, dpi, succinct, facade and sooo many other words mean. You're clueless, confooosed, weird, lazy, retarded, an idiot, a really bad speller, forgetful and nothing gets through to you.

And yet all that just makes me like you even more.

You said we were the complete opposites of each other after we had a random talk about how you pretty much only eat raw fish, and I only eat a selected few, fully cooked fish.

The only thing that was going through my mind was: "Why Daniel, that's coz opposites attract." :)

Today was the shoot, for my 2nd photo1 assignment task, and I met him at the seats in the tower building at around noon, and we walked to Broadway, for our shoot in Utopia. He asked if I needed help carrying anything, so I let him carry my acoustic guitar. So we got to Utopia only to find that the two men I asked last week weren't there, so I had to let the person in charge know that I already had permission from the boss last week to do a shoot for a uni assignment in here, and he gave us the OK.

Basically at first, it took me a while to think of ideas and ways to shoot my task. But once we got started, everything pretty much flowed. It was reeeally fun. Pretty much just being with him that closely was amazing. I was so happy. I was over the moon! Nothing was really awkward to be honest. I mean, everyone goes on about that whole "accidentally touching their hand, etc. etc", but really, we touched a few times and it was perfectly fine. Nothing awkward, just fun.

By the time the shoot was supposedly finished, I went to take out the film, only to realise that I was a complete idiot and had forgotten to wind the film first before opening it. So I quickly closed it up again and started winding, but it wasn't working, and I completely ruined the entire roll of film!

So of course, I had to re-shoot my entire task again, only twice as fast, since I didn't want to push the patience of the workers in Utopia. Just before we started again though, supposedly another boss came up to ask, saying "um, can I help you kids with anything?" and so of course, I told him what I told the other man, that I asked permission from the boss on Thursday if I could shoot in here for an assignment, and he said okay. Only, the man ended up replying with "Well that's funny, because I'm the boss.." Obviously, I panicked, and ended up telling him that well, I let an asian man know, along with another man who said he was the boss- slightly shorter, with shortish, grey hair, and thankfully, he let us continue.

Honestly, I was so worried, but during the whole thing, he just stayed calm, and even though everything was going so wrong, he made it feel like everything was just so right. So anyways, we went straight back to shooting for my task. I couldn't stop smiling on the inside, while I was taking photos of him. It was incredible. After we finished, I went to wind the film, this time remebering not to open it up before I was done. But yet again, everything went wrong, and I couldn't wind it back. I panicked, again, but decided to go to this camera shop in the city, hoping that they'd be able to fix the problem.

And so we ended up walking allllllll the way up to Museum Station, and even further, only to have the shopkeeper tell me that I'd forgotten to press the wind button at the bottom of the camera first! Ugh, I felt so stupid. But regardless, the long walk up there was fun. Painful because of everything I was carrying, but pretty damn good too, because he was there with me, perfectly calm.

After that, we probably had around 80 minutes left, so we walked to the bus stop and waited until the 555 free shuttle bus came, so we could head back to UTS. Everytime he looked to the side, I'd quickly look at him, just because I could. <3

By the time we got back, it was about 3.25, so we just sat down near building 2 where his next class was. I attempted to teach him some guitar, but he was too scared and didn't want to, so I ended up playing a little bit to him, and gave him a few tips on music in general. There were so many people watching, it was funny, haha.

I could go on, but I'll round it off soon. 

Pretty much everytime we talked, and everything I looked at him, his eyes, his hair, listened to his voice, I just wanted to smile and give him a big hug. 

Sure, being with him today made me more confident and daring, but I was still a bit shy when it came to anything non-surfaced. So I just stuck with the casual conversations and friendly goodbyes, so I wouldn't look too eager.

When mum picked me up, she kept asking questions about my 'friend' and whether or not they've got a tripod yet, etc. and I answered with no, because they don't do Photography. Then the questions kept coming. What's their name? Oh, it's a boy? How did you meet him? He's from Primary? How did you find him after primary? What course does he do? Muuuuuum, too many questions! >.<

But yeah, afterwards mum ended up saying 'oh, so you like him? he can be your boyfriend', etc. Of course, I replied with 'no mum' but secretly I was smiling.

Yep. So that's basically it for today. It was by far one of the best days I've had in years, literally. A friend of mine, Rob, told me earlier on this year, that 2010 was going to be 'our year', and that statement is slowly, well, faster than I thought it would, coming true.

Daniel Churches. (L)

:)

I met Him. #4

12:50ish, Level 5 at the library.

He gave me a CD with all, or most of his music on it.

& he's letting me shoot him for my next photography assignment.

<333

Definitely updating this post when I get time!

UPDATE:

That day was honestly amazing. Sure, the morning of was as chaotic as you could imagine, considering I was re-printing damaged photos for my photo1/film photography class, and I was basically running against time. But once the printing and photo class was over, I was so relieved because I'd handed in my second 20% assignment already, and I was off to the library.

At first I thought I was heading for two and a half hours of being by myself attempting to work on my history assignment, since I already circled the entire 5th floor and couldn't find him. But then I signed into ebuddy and turns out he was on level 4, because level 5 said 'silence' so he wasn't sure if he should go there or not. Haha aww. Well afterwards, he came upstairs and everything was great, once again. I mean sure, I didn't end up doing much work, but hey, I did borrow my first ever uni book, and I did write down a definition for my word, 'Diorama', so that's a start.

Basically what we ended up doing was bludging together, playing tetris, looking up music merch and I looked up plane tickets for my trip to melbourne for my course. But before that, I just casually talked about how I've already got another assignment to do for photo1 even though I just handed in my first task for that class, and asked if he wanted to be my 'model' for my next assignment, and almost immediately, he said yes. Obviously, I was over the moon, but I didn't want to look/sound too excited, so I calmly said 'alright, that's cool, thanks' and we moved on.

Afterwards while we were looking through sales on the fist2face website, I came across a CD that was slashed from $22 to $7, and then he went and said 'that actually is really cheap. speaking of which..' and he went to his bag and started searching for the CD he told me that he burnt for me last night with all/most of his songs on it. I knew what it was, but I didn't know what to do, so I just kept looking through the sales. Quite honestly, he is so sweet. I can't believe he took time out the night before just to compile a CD's worth of music for me. I've since gone through some of the folders, and unfortunately a lot of the files don't seem to be working/are m4vs, but that doesn't really matter, because it's the thought really does count a lot more than the actual gift. That's how I'll always see it. <3

Anyways, later on that night I asked him whether he was serious about helping me out with my assignment, and again he said sure, if it'll make it easier for me, he'll do it. Which just made my night that much better.

So now apart from attempting to do my history assignment, I'm also anxious/nervous/excited about this Tuesday, because I'll be with him for at least 2.5 hrs, if not more, depending on whether I'll have to start my collaboration with the Interior Design students at 2.30 or not. Either way, I'm hoping it'll be great, fun, random and relaxing! I'm shooting him (haha aww) in Utopia, and possibly at a park or in a dead end alley way or something, to get my assignment done well. I'm bringing my DSLR as well as the film SLR, just so maybe I'll be able to get some extra photos in so I can keep for myself. :) <3

Daniel! I can't believe you've made me so happy, even though I've only met you 4 times since primary school. You're amazing :)

Life is amazing, right about now.

I've been happy ever since Wednesday, and I can't believe this high is still happening after 3 days. I love this feeling, I really do, and it doesn't even matter if I've got a stack of work to do, I'm happy now and it's amazing. Sure, it might not last, but it sure as hell helps as a much needed break from all the tension and stress for the past year.

Isn't it funny how I'm more happy about the little things in life, rather than the bigger picture?

I might be going insane, but I looove this feeling (L)

I met him.

I met him today, March 10, 2010 at around 1.30pm at the UTS library.

It was actually probably the furthest thing from awkward. We basically just talked until 2.55 when he had to leave for a lecture and I had to make my way back to the tower building to head home. Sure, there were strange silences here and there, but overall it was just natural, casual and relaxed.

I couldn't have asked for anything more.

Yet he had to top it off by giving me a JB Hi-Fi gift voucher for my birthday last week.

I couldn't stop smiling, I was, and still am over the moon, because the thought was what truly mattered and I absolutely loved it.

:) Thankyou, Daniel. <3

Life & Uni

Uni's been good. Apart from the work and the thousands of dollars we have to spend on cameras and material, it's been good. I made another friend on Thursday, Fiona. So now we've got a little asian group happening. Niice.

Life.

Well, it's been sort of mixed really. Home life is terrible. This problem just keeps building up, it's been like this for the past year already, and I highly doubt it's going to stop anytime soon. Quite honestly, I don't think I'll survive the 3 or 4 years of uni if this continues, so I don't know. I've just got this feeling of fear, paranoia and doubt 24-7. I can't say what I think, I can't do what I need to, and I don't know how to handle any of it. I'm literally hearing voices and I'm shaking, and I don't know what's wrong with me. I can't tell anyone the whole truth, because that hurts too much and that means added stress for everybody. Last night was just horrible. I finally spoke out a little, and what I get in return is "oh yeah, go side with him, you hate me. everyone hates me." I mean, what am I supposed to do? Just sit there and pretend everything's just perfect and wonderful? I've done that for the past year, finding others I can speak to instead of letting my family know. It's been too long, how much longer can I put up with this?

Going onto the positive side of life though, I couldn't be more happier, finding and making the friends that I have now at uni. Sure, it's been just four days together, but we've all really just clicked. It's great. almost as if spending the past six years of highschool alone, or almost alone was worth the pain. I mean, I can actually be myself now, in a large, non-threatening environment, and it's amazing.  I really don't think anyone will ever realise how appreciative I am of this. I'll never be able to explain it. But I think, in a way, that's a positive too.

Also, going back to him, Daniel. He just honestly knows what to say. Last night was absolute crap, I come online, we talked about it for a little while, and he was just there to help distract me from everything. It was great. I mean yeah, I got a lot of things out, but afterwards it wasn't anything awkward at all, the conversation just flowed on and he helped me block out everything bad that was happening, and at first I didn't think it would work, but it did, he told me it would, and he carried it out and helped me. Even though I didn't believe him completely. He did it, and that's what counts.

That's about all I can manage to get out for now. Uni really is such a de-energiser. Don't get me wrong, it's great, it's just. Tiring. And confusing.

A New Chapter

So I have decided to create a blogger, which marks the beginning of my online journal life.

Sure, MySpace and Facebook are all well and good, but I don't really have much privacy or anonymity over there, and the thought of people who I know well in real life being able to lurk my profile and see what I'm writing and thinking about to other people is just too much stress for me to handle.

And that's where this online journal kicks in. I need a place where I can let myself go and not be afraid of judgement, not be afraid of rejection, and not be afraid of being yelled at or made fun of. Being able to have a place for me, and only me. To start off the new year with a new life, with a new perspective. Yes, it does seem late to be saying a 'new year', though I have only recently come back home from a long holiday during my break, and I've been thinking about creating an online journal for months, years even, and at this point in time, it just feels "right".

Basically, what I'm hoping to accomplish in the next couple of days is to let my true thoughts, questions and feelings come out. I want to be able to get things out in the open and to lift that rotten old burden off my back which I've been carrying around literally for years. And occasionally, the odd, completely unrelated post here and there.

I want to start out fresh. I want to stop thinking negatively and start thinking positively. I want to be able to feel happiness. To not feel alone. I need to learn to love myself, no matter how difficult it is, or how hard it will get.

My personal quote for the past two or so years has been:

"Looking at the dark side of things/life isn't being pessimistic. It's being realistic."

What I am hoping to do is to change that quote which I have been living by, or more importantly, see it in a different light and approach it with the attitude of "Life is hard, but I can get through it." rather than denying my negativity by arming myself with a mask that says "I'm a realist", because I know that I have a lot more things to learn, and a lot more to understand and accept as reality.

If anyone does happen to read this, feel free to comment, so I know if anyone is here or not.
 
Well, this is it.

Let's see where this online journal takes me..