White riot, I wanna riot, white riot..

a riot of my own !

So I haven't been updating in the past few days, which I guess is a positive, but also a negative at the same time. Positive: I've been busy with my life, and not living too much of a monotonous life. Negative: My mind's been completely blank, thought-wise, and I haven't seem to be able to get my thoughts out in the open. Whichever one it is, it doesn't matter, because I'm updating now and I've got a positive light shining through right now. Even if it is something very minor.

It's Saturday morning right now and I'm downstairs by myself, listening to The Clash on shuffle repeat, just like I was last night. Yesterday was my school's DUX assembly, followed by morning tea, but I didn't go. Why? Because school just brings back too many bad memories, too many memories of how 'non-existent' I was throughout those six-years. I mean, why should I go to a function which wouldn't even realise if I was there or not? Or why should I go to a function where my so called 'classmates' would see me and pretend as if they're happy to see me, despite the fact that they've hardly ever spoken to me in the past six years, or for some, not even looked towards me at a glance or let out a 'Hi' during those many long walks down the corridors in the early mornings and late afternoons.

Basically, another reason why I chose not to attend is that I just know there will be a lot of:

SGHS Girl: 'Hi Gwen! How are you?

Me: 'I'm alright'

SGHS Girl: 'That's good. How did you go in the HSC? What did you get?'

Me: 'I did okay, I got 96.7, what about you?'

SGHS Girl: 'Oh, that's really good! I got 98+. What are you planning on doing at uni?'

Me: 'Um, Photography at UTS'

SGHS Girl: 'Photography? Wow, that's really creative! etc. etc. etc.'

Which pretty much means that there'll be a whole lot of 'acting to care' personalities, which I honestly can't cope with right now.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying everyone at my school is like that, because there definitely is a select few who are genuine about their conversations.

Which leads me to the main intention of my writing this blog entry. I hadn't been listening to The Clash since probably just before the HSC, and last night I just had an urge to listen to them again after so many months. You're probably wondering why The Clash relates to school, right? Well, it's because in Yr 11, we had to do an essay on a personality of our own choosing for Modern History, and how they impacted society. Well, I chose The Clash's Joe Strummer and my teacher happened to be a big fan of The Clash, so he was 'really excited to see what [I] would come up with' as he told my mum during a parent/teacher interview night. And pretty much from then on, he'd relate everything I did or what we did in class to The Clash or how 'I like the hard hitting [music]' rather than something soft and delicate. I mean sure, he was generalising my taste in music to just one genre, but hey, how often do you hear of teachers liking great music and actually expressing it in class? Hell, I even had a conversation with him about what the real meaning of punk rock is, so that was interesting, considering it was infront of the rest of the class.

I guess what I'm trying to say here, is that in my so-called 'quest' to see things positively, or at least accept why certain things happen, my six years of high-school wasn't such a big waste, even if it was for something as little as finding common ground with my history teacher through music.

I never realised how much I actually really enjoy The Clash, so I can say that last night was it. It was my breakthrough, music-wise. I mean sure, I may not have all their albums, but it's a 'I don't have all their albums yet' And relating this back to my Yr 11 history essay, 'Because of what has happened to me, I can strongly state that Joe Strummer has made a major contribution towards my  life, and has impacted me greatly.'

I have so much more thoughts to get out, but I'll leave that for another day. Right now, I'm just re-visiting the past, positively.

Baby, I'm addicted, I'm out of control..

but you're the drug that keeps me from dying.

Well, today's been pretty good actually. I pulled an all nighter, deciding that I would watch the entire rage for once in my life, only to search up the program online and find out that I hardly liked/knew any of the songs. By that time though, it was already around 4.30, so I thought I may as well stay up to watch the sun rise. But since it was pouring heavy rain during the night, I went out back and all I saw was very faint rays of sunlight behind all those dark, grey clouds. Damn. Oh well, I'm not too upset about it.

On the plus side though, I watched Video Hits from 8.30 through to noon for their "top singles of the noughties", which was such a great nostalgic moment. The best video played has got to be Enrique Iglesias' "Hero". Though I have to admit, I prefer the Spanish version "Heroe" a lot more. A lot more. My sister woke up at half past noon, so we watched the few videos I taped, and afterwards we ended up having a mini Enrique music fest. It was from his 2008 Greatest Hits album, with the videos:

• Bailamos
• Rhythm Divine
• Hero
• Escape
• Love To See You Cry
• Addicted
• Do You Know?
• Tired Of Being Sorry
• Can You Hear Me?
• Tired Of Being Sorry (Live) 
• Be With You (Live)

Love love love love loved every minute of it. Though yet again, I have to say that the Spanish version of 'Hero', 'Escape', 'Addicted' and 'Do You Know?' is far better than their English counterparts.

I honestly think 'Addicted' has beaten 'Hero' as my favourite Enrique song which has been made into a music video. It is amazing, and everyone should watch/listen to it. Especially the Spanish version!

Anyways, this journal's title is taken from the chorus of 'Addicted', which, yes, I'm absolutely addicted to. Also, my sister told me a while ago that 'Iglesias' in english meant 'Churches', which honestly just makes me like Enrique even more. And the boy' that I like's last name just happens to be 'Churches', so that's just a double plus for me.

Daniel Iglesias. Daniel Churches. He is possibly the sweetest boy ever. He's not afraid to express how he feels about problems, he listens, and hey, he's got great music taste. [: And to think we never talked/noticed each other in primary school until Year 6. So many memories, I could go on forever. But what I love the most was when his friend said "Hey, you guys like each other, don't you?" one day during class, and obviously, we immediately spat back a "No way!" at the same time. I should have found him again earlier on, but I finally had the guts to add him on Facebook (how Gen Y of me) in August last year, and all things amazing just started from there. I have no idea if he likes me, or if he even knows that I like him, but in September he asked me to his Yr 12 school formal, so that must mean something, right? Even if it's just a 'as a friend' gesture, it's still something. And know I'll just always feels like a proper idiot for turning him down, especially since I replied with a "Um, I don't really do formals.." ugh, how stupid could I have been??! Anyways. It's in the past, I'll leave it there. We've kept in touch all through the holidays, even when I was overseas, which just makes my feelings grow even more. He's going to UTS this March too, so I'm really hoping we'll be able to meet up sometime, even if it's just for an hour or so. But since I always let my insecurities get the best of me, I'm reluctant to meet up with him, even if we get the chance, because he hasn't seen me for six years, and I'm not exactly in the best of shape, or decent looking.. I don't know.

Wow, all this soppy stuff is getting me a bit weird, so I'm going to stop.

On a completely different topic, these are quite possibly one of the coolest looking pair of converse chuck taylors I've ever seen. Not to mention it's The Clash. I can't believe I was so stupid as to look for them in Malaysia first, hoping to buy it for less over there, because Malaysia has all the old stock and since we're living in a little village, I can't expect much. So we went back to Singapore, but only had 2 days before our flight back to Australia, and being forgetful, I completely forgot about buying those shoes and therefore I couldn't get them while I was there. Ah well. I hope my mum can find them in Singapore before she flies back here, which is in about 20 days. Ahh, The Clash. Joe Strummer, Mick Jones, Paul Simonon, Topper Headon, Terry Chimes and every other contributor to the amazing 70s band. Who doesn't love The good 'ol Clash?